Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same. - Anonymous
I have this theory. I had been thinking about for a week or two. Oo nga pala. Isa akong babeng palaisip. Sometimes I just sit and think about something. Maganda rin minsan na tingnan ang iba't ibang bagay sa iba't ibang paraan. It's always good to see things with new eyes and new perspectives. Things have at least two perspectives but there can be more than one. It's good if we think about different perspectives as well.
Ay. Sorry. Medyo napapalayo na 'ata ako. Hehe. Got carried away there. Anyway, the theory that I was talking about is that sometimes, there will be a few people in your life that will make this awesome impact on every aspect of your life. And you don't know what change that person will bring or even when it will happen. Mapapaiyak ka... pero mapapatawa ka rin. He/She will make things a lot more easier or much harder. Choices, hard choices, will have to be made. Magkakaroon ka rin ng bagong pananaw sa mundo. Kung paano mo pinapatakbo ang buhay mo. You will be confronted with questions on what direction your life is taking. This person will mold you. Either you stay as you are or you are just like clay in the hands of a master pot maker... or a madman. Eventually, you will have to choose whether you will alter your path and be changed or stay on course to the path that you had taken. These people who has such a profound impact in a person's life is what I would like to call... lifeshifters.
Lifeshifters. They are not a product of destiny nor a fork on the road predetermined on a path that you had to take. What they are actually is a product of man's unpredictability. We are so different and so unique and yet we are strangely similar at the same time. For this reason, each person affects us in a different way. Thus, each new meeting with someone is a new experience. And how far a chance encounter can change someone is something that we can't even fathom.
Naks. Malalim na ah. Hehe. Anyone, anyone can be a lifeshifter. It does not necessarily mean na ang kasintahan mo lang ang kayang gumawa ng ganun. Marami 'yan. In fact, the first pair of lifeshifters you will meet is your parents. Obvious naman kung bakit sila 'di ba? It depends on what kind of parents you have. Kasi 'di ba, may mga values na priority ng iba samantalang sa iba ay bale wala 'yun. Then, there are relatives, teachers and even friends and yes the most obvious lovers. In the case of the latter, I had three. Tatlong... for a lack of a better term, boys na nagbago sa buhay ko. Let me point out each one.
Si Jeff. Rich kid. A creature of the night. Mahilig sa night life. There was this aura of quiet confidence in him that implied that he could get anything he wants in life. Crush ng bayan and playboy rolled into one. If there was a person who personified a real player, it's him. In fact, balita nga nung high school days namin, nung 2nd year niya nadaanan na niya ang buong varsity highschool cheerleaders. Too hard to believe, isn't it? It was one of those things why girls, including me, were attracted to him. He had this air of a raw and fresh animalistic passion. That everytime you were with him, life would be exciting. And it was.
Siya ang unang boyfriend ko. Ang kauna-unahan. HS senior na siya nun at ako, sophomore. Siya ang first time ko in what our society would call "vices". Alcohol, drugs... and sex. Yes. Pati 'yun. He introduced me to everything from the different types of marijuana to different positions. It was the most exciting part of my life. With him, it was always hard and fast. Life was given in very large doses. Everyday was a fast lane towards heaven or hell. We lived in the fast lane and we never stopped accelerating. It was a dream. It was crazy and beautiful at the same time.
Eventually, as fast as it started, it ended quickly as well. As I said, we lived our life in the fast lane. There were no brakes, only an accelerator. And the only way to stop was if you hit a very thick brick wall. When you live your life that fast, at some point you will crash and burn, and we crashed and we burned... at least he did. I don't want to go into the details basta there were sirens and gunshots when the **** hit the fan so to speak. But even without him, I still continued on. In fact, lalo nga akong bumilis e. Life on the edge was the only way of life I knew and it was how I lived.
The next lifeshifter in my life was Paolo. Kilala n'yo siya 'di ba? 'Yung kapatid ni Andrea na kalbo. Hehe. Well, we met at some class in college sa La Salle. Yep. Lasallian ako. He was one of those guys na quiet lang. Na kapag kinakausap mo, one word responses lang ang sasabihin sa 'yo at first. But then, when you get to know him, then you'll appreciate him for who he is and he will eventually open up. He was not that outgoing but he does go out from time to time. And in one of those rare times, we meet sa Eastwood, sa tapat ng Basement. I was so freakin' scared. I... liked him and I didn't want him to see the other me. The wild part of me. The most vulnerable side. But he did. And he didn't even flinch. He just waved at me as I entered.
By the time I exited the basement, I had a guy with me. He was going to take me to his home and... you get the idea. But Paolo was still there and told the guy to back off. I was drunk and I don't exactly remember the details but it was Paolo who drove me to his home. When we were at his home, I tried to kiss him but he resisted. I took off my clothes and he wrapped me around a blanket. It was then that I broke down and cried. I didn't know why. I just did. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered words of comfort. Then he lay me on the bed and kissed my forehead as I closed my eyes and slept.
I woke up with a hangover; naked and unaware of where I was. There were pajamas on the foot of the bed so I took it and got dressed. I opened the door to find a dining room with lots of food and Paolo smiling at me. I remembered the words he said at that time: "I thought you would never wake up." I almost cried then. It was one of the sweetest things I heard. There was such kindness in the voice and most of all understanding. Afterwards, we talked. And I confessed everything. He did not forgive me for what I did because there was nothing to forgive. And he did not judge me for what I did but accepted me for who I am. I told him I was broken and he said that I looked like an angel. I said that I could never be an angel but he said that I didn't need to and being me was enough for him.
And then I realized that he was the person that I would like to spend my whole life with. This was a guy that looked deep in my soul and found something beautiful. I changed for him even if he did not ask it off me. He gave me the gift of generosity and for that I loved him.
Ok. The last guy I will talk about, you know fully well. Yomz. He was beyond my understanding. A connection that I could not quite put my finger on. The way we danced was something I have never experienced with any guy. With Jeff, it was always fast. With Paolo, it was a slow dance. With Yomz, it was quite a combination of both. But then, hindi ko alam pero... ewan. The thing I can say now and reflect upon is that Yomz and I were kindred souls. We were a lot alike. In fact I see a lot of myself in him only that he is male and a few years younger.
And yes, I would not forget that kiss. It was Colgate heaven. Haha. But then, no matter how sweet it is, it was still a stranger's kiss although a very familiar kiss. And his was a stranger's embrace. And well... you know the rest.
The thing with Yomz was that, yes it was fresh and a lot more exciting but it was a fairy tale. He was like a prince that appeared out of nowhere to get me. It was like those happily ever after stories. Only that this was not a story but it was life. Things are a lot more different. How can I live in a life based on fairy tales? It was a fantasy ending to a very realistic life.
Oh wait. Nagri-ring ang phone ko. Wait lang ha, si Paolo tumatawag.
"Hi Pao. What's up?"
"Dinner? Where and what time?"
"Let me freshen up first, ok? Pick me up an hour from now."
"Love you too, honey."
Ok. 'Yun nagyayaya si Pao ng dinner. I have to leave you now. But I will leave you something to think about.
I know a lady writer who always leaves her draft on the bedside table near her husband. She leaves it there so that her husband was the first one that could read her work in the morning. Why? And who among the three would ever do that for me?
See you next time.
I have this theory. I had been thinking about for a week or two. Oo nga pala. Isa akong babeng palaisip. Sometimes I just sit and think about something. Maganda rin minsan na tingnan ang iba't ibang bagay sa iba't ibang paraan. It's always good to see things with new eyes and new perspectives. Things have at least two perspectives but there can be more than one. It's good if we think about different perspectives as well.
Ay. Sorry. Medyo napapalayo na 'ata ako. Hehe. Got carried away there. Anyway, the theory that I was talking about is that sometimes, there will be a few people in your life that will make this awesome impact on every aspect of your life. And you don't know what change that person will bring or even when it will happen. Mapapaiyak ka... pero mapapatawa ka rin. He/She will make things a lot more easier or much harder. Choices, hard choices, will have to be made. Magkakaroon ka rin ng bagong pananaw sa mundo. Kung paano mo pinapatakbo ang buhay mo. You will be confronted with questions on what direction your life is taking. This person will mold you. Either you stay as you are or you are just like clay in the hands of a master pot maker... or a madman. Eventually, you will have to choose whether you will alter your path and be changed or stay on course to the path that you had taken. These people who has such a profound impact in a person's life is what I would like to call... lifeshifters.
Lifeshifters. They are not a product of destiny nor a fork on the road predetermined on a path that you had to take. What they are actually is a product of man's unpredictability. We are so different and so unique and yet we are strangely similar at the same time. For this reason, each person affects us in a different way. Thus, each new meeting with someone is a new experience. And how far a chance encounter can change someone is something that we can't even fathom.
Naks. Malalim na ah. Hehe. Anyone, anyone can be a lifeshifter. It does not necessarily mean na ang kasintahan mo lang ang kayang gumawa ng ganun. Marami 'yan. In fact, the first pair of lifeshifters you will meet is your parents. Obvious naman kung bakit sila 'di ba? It depends on what kind of parents you have. Kasi 'di ba, may mga values na priority ng iba samantalang sa iba ay bale wala 'yun. Then, there are relatives, teachers and even friends and yes the most obvious lovers. In the case of the latter, I had three. Tatlong... for a lack of a better term, boys na nagbago sa buhay ko. Let me point out each one.
Si Jeff. Rich kid. A creature of the night. Mahilig sa night life. There was this aura of quiet confidence in him that implied that he could get anything he wants in life. Crush ng bayan and playboy rolled into one. If there was a person who personified a real player, it's him. In fact, balita nga nung high school days namin, nung 2nd year niya nadaanan na niya ang buong varsity highschool cheerleaders. Too hard to believe, isn't it? It was one of those things why girls, including me, were attracted to him. He had this air of a raw and fresh animalistic passion. That everytime you were with him, life would be exciting. And it was.
Siya ang unang boyfriend ko. Ang kauna-unahan. HS senior na siya nun at ako, sophomore. Siya ang first time ko in what our society would call "vices". Alcohol, drugs... and sex. Yes. Pati 'yun. He introduced me to everything from the different types of marijuana to different positions. It was the most exciting part of my life. With him, it was always hard and fast. Life was given in very large doses. Everyday was a fast lane towards heaven or hell. We lived in the fast lane and we never stopped accelerating. It was a dream. It was crazy and beautiful at the same time.
Eventually, as fast as it started, it ended quickly as well. As I said, we lived our life in the fast lane. There were no brakes, only an accelerator. And the only way to stop was if you hit a very thick brick wall. When you live your life that fast, at some point you will crash and burn, and we crashed and we burned... at least he did. I don't want to go into the details basta there were sirens and gunshots when the **** hit the fan so to speak. But even without him, I still continued on. In fact, lalo nga akong bumilis e. Life on the edge was the only way of life I knew and it was how I lived.
The next lifeshifter in my life was Paolo. Kilala n'yo siya 'di ba? 'Yung kapatid ni Andrea na kalbo. Hehe. Well, we met at some class in college sa La Salle. Yep. Lasallian ako. He was one of those guys na quiet lang. Na kapag kinakausap mo, one word responses lang ang sasabihin sa 'yo at first. But then, when you get to know him, then you'll appreciate him for who he is and he will eventually open up. He was not that outgoing but he does go out from time to time. And in one of those rare times, we meet sa Eastwood, sa tapat ng Basement. I was so freakin' scared. I... liked him and I didn't want him to see the other me. The wild part of me. The most vulnerable side. But he did. And he didn't even flinch. He just waved at me as I entered.
By the time I exited the basement, I had a guy with me. He was going to take me to his home and... you get the idea. But Paolo was still there and told the guy to back off. I was drunk and I don't exactly remember the details but it was Paolo who drove me to his home. When we were at his home, I tried to kiss him but he resisted. I took off my clothes and he wrapped me around a blanket. It was then that I broke down and cried. I didn't know why. I just did. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered words of comfort. Then he lay me on the bed and kissed my forehead as I closed my eyes and slept.
I woke up with a hangover; naked and unaware of where I was. There were pajamas on the foot of the bed so I took it and got dressed. I opened the door to find a dining room with lots of food and Paolo smiling at me. I remembered the words he said at that time: "I thought you would never wake up." I almost cried then. It was one of the sweetest things I heard. There was such kindness in the voice and most of all understanding. Afterwards, we talked. And I confessed everything. He did not forgive me for what I did because there was nothing to forgive. And he did not judge me for what I did but accepted me for who I am. I told him I was broken and he said that I looked like an angel. I said that I could never be an angel but he said that I didn't need to and being me was enough for him.
And then I realized that he was the person that I would like to spend my whole life with. This was a guy that looked deep in my soul and found something beautiful. I changed for him even if he did not ask it off me. He gave me the gift of generosity and for that I loved him.
Ok. The last guy I will talk about, you know fully well. Yomz. He was beyond my understanding. A connection that I could not quite put my finger on. The way we danced was something I have never experienced with any guy. With Jeff, it was always fast. With Paolo, it was a slow dance. With Yomz, it was quite a combination of both. But then, hindi ko alam pero... ewan. The thing I can say now and reflect upon is that Yomz and I were kindred souls. We were a lot alike. In fact I see a lot of myself in him only that he is male and a few years younger.
And yes, I would not forget that kiss. It was Colgate heaven. Haha. But then, no matter how sweet it is, it was still a stranger's kiss although a very familiar kiss. And his was a stranger's embrace. And well... you know the rest.
The thing with Yomz was that, yes it was fresh and a lot more exciting but it was a fairy tale. He was like a prince that appeared out of nowhere to get me. It was like those happily ever after stories. Only that this was not a story but it was life. Things are a lot more different. How can I live in a life based on fairy tales? It was a fantasy ending to a very realistic life.
Oh wait. Nagri-ring ang phone ko. Wait lang ha, si Paolo tumatawag.
"Hi Pao. What's up?"
"Dinner? Where and what time?"
"Let me freshen up first, ok? Pick me up an hour from now."
"Love you too, honey."
Ok. 'Yun nagyayaya si Pao ng dinner. I have to leave you now. But I will leave you something to think about.
I know a lady writer who always leaves her draft on the bedside table near her husband. She leaves it there so that her husband was the first one that could read her work in the morning. Why? And who among the three would ever do that for me?
See you next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment